is it obvious????
been feeling kinda down and sad for the past few days. maybe due to some work related stress, rumours at work & my pms. i stopped taking the hormone pills coz i hate taking medicines everyday!!! this makes me to think what if when i am old and i need to be on long term meds for diabetes, hypertension or cholesterol? and i don take it religiously. i wont last very long i must say. yup… i had a very bad cramps for 3 days. its like reliving the memory of my dysmenorrhea. wow! super painful. i forced myself to work only to go down to walk in clinic and get an mc. it was unbearable. haiz…. i hate it when i am feeling down. felt like crying out loud!!!! feels like screaming the top of my lungs.
mom was the first person to realised something was bothering me. then uncle ali says there is something in my head. they asked but i kept my silence. they probe again. i kept quiet and smiled. tho i was in pain, i tried to help mom. she’s alone afterall. sis lina’s engagement on sat. but there is so much tt i can do. i was in pain everywhere. cramps, backache, and my stupid rt hand is causing me so much pain too. i wonder why. and this gastric problem plus my wisdom tooth which is causing me pain… duhhhh the list goes on. arrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate it.
Alhamdullilah lina’s ceremony went well tho at the end of the day sis ayu n lina had a tiff. i never saw ayu get so worked up. we never quarrelled this major b4. i don wish to go on abt that. it’s over and i am glad i was there to stop them tho, lina pushed me quite hard.. i am short mind u…. hehehe. i loved them all. no matter what. nana, even tho u might feel that u are not my sis by blood… i really love u lots…. i hope u know that and stop thinking otherwise. u are my sister afterall… and sisters should stay together. poor mom, she was very happy the day before coz all her daughters are at her home….helping her tho i m sick… but today mom cried today coz of the quarel. what must i do to make them know that i love them? what should i do??? are my words not enough? i even asked raishan… don u love me anymore? hahahah and he said yes of coz. this is a 12 year old puberty age boy…hahah he loves his sis… at least he does. am i so pathetic? asking everyone if they loved me? thats because i kept on telling the ones i loved that i love them dearly.but none tell me how much they love me. y????
maybe they don love me. maybe they love me but they don noe how to express. yeah maybe…..
i chatted with siti, my youngest sis. and she asked me.."lily are u tired?" i said ok ok. y? "nope mom said u look tired" i went huh? does my face shows how i felt? i felt ok but my face and body language shows otherwise i guess. it shows how i felt deep inside. sadness. empty.
and in msn ressa tagged me… asking if i am alright… how sweet of her. at least she shows some soncern for me…. thanks ress appreciate it. so, was it obvious? i wonder……
