too much to say….
been very very busy…. where shall i start? our phuket trip - aqiel’s 3rd holiday?, aqiels’s hospitalisation?, my confusion? haiz.
let me just summarise it all. we managed to go to phuket together tho i promised hubby it will just be the 2 of us. what does holiday means to you? spending time together? as a couple? for me eversince i had amaley, i couldn’t bear to leave him behind while i am enjoying myself somewhere. i left him once. we went to bintan last jan. i had to because of the bad weather and he was such a small baby back then. and i cried to sleep everynight. and on that trip i promised not to leave my baby behind and i will bring him wherever i went. we should enjoy together as a family 
but this trip does not turn out as planned. being last min, as hubby intially didnt want to bring our junior, we ended up paying $100+ for his air ticket on silkair which costs much more than any budget airline and he doesn’t have a seat mind you!!! coz its a last min purchase. as usual, he would be cranky on the plane coz he simply cant sit still on tt small ass of his. upon arrival to phuket Laguna beach, Allamanda resort he started to throw tantrums demanding that we bring him for a swim. he cried and wailed tt it made me have second thoughts that maybe i shouldn’t bring him afterall… hahahaaa… laguna resort is pretty boring as its far away from the town it’s more of a rest and relaxed environment and its a great escape from the busy city. we spend 3 days and 2 nights there and i was so glad that we are going over to patong beach! it’s much more colourful, noisy and interesting for amaley. he enjoyed himself. last april when we went to krabi he was afraid of the beach, waves and sand but now, at 11months he was literally lying on the sands and swimming with his dad. yup, he cried too when we told him its time to go back to the hotel. it was so embarassing. after all the fun, back home in sg amaley developed high fever the very next day and needed to be admitted to the hospital.
he had a very bad GE with dehydration and later thru the tests we found out he had the rotavirus. I blame myself for not taking good care of him. i blame myself for not giving him the protection he needed. i gave him all the injections but i forgot abt the anti virus for rota. i kept on asking myself how could i forget??? it was such a heartwrenching experience having to withness how ill ur son turns out after such a wonderful holiday. i tried my very best to give him the best. to provide for him and to protect him but i am not perfect. and it made me sad when ppl blame me for his illness. they blame me for bringing him over to phuket. it makes me wonder. do they really know me? do they think that i would do something to make my son ill??? would i not take precautions so that he wont fall ill??? it’s just sad to think that they could ever think that way of me. i bought 5litre of mineral water - nestle brand and not just any other brand. i sterilised his bottles and i cooked his porridge myself. yeah its a holiday which is actually not a holiday at all coz i still do all these for him. but that’s my responsibility. the only reason i could think of as to why he fell ill could be the watermelons that i bought from the pushcart ladies. they might not wash it properly. and tt’s where he got the virus from. ppl don know how sad i felt when i look at his face, his eyes, his weakened body. how i wish that i could take over his place and suffer instead of him. ppl wont stop talking wont they?anyway am very glad that he have fully recovered and eating and drinking as usual. he is starting to put on weight again and i am happy for that.
anyway, in a few days time it would be 1 year since i gave birth to him. i can still remember clearly the day, the events of the day of his arrival the time and the journey i took. each time we drive along the road to kk/ttsh i would recall how bad the pain was…. something that seems impossible for me in the past. i am glad to Allah for this little miracle boy who brings along laughter, love, warmth and many good things into our lives. i am contented with having him eventhough if he will be the only child that i would ever have in this life. he is the love of my life forever.
