The Journey of Her Forgetfulness

I have been waiting for this weekend since the start of april. April is the month of birthdays and wedding anniversaries. Today is hubby’s birthday and this sat my lil sis ayu’s solemnisation and sunday is the wedding!!!! Yahooo…. i am so excited! cant wait to meet up with my cuzzins fm my mom, dad, step mom n step dad’s sides… wow! and not forgetting fm both of my in laws sides as well… and the list went on… they ordered 600 cards and add another 200 and bought another 40. so total no of ppl invited? i cant be bothered to count.

for hubby’s birthday, i am planning a time out for just the 2 of us…. firstly, we need to sleep and rest from our post night duty and then head of to the hotel for hi-tea and then go shopping and maybe catch a movie before gng for a dinner by the esplanade.

friday morning i have to attend the ed retreat in the morning and the head off to dad’s place and start the preparations for the wedding.

Tuesday!!! is the big day!!!! its MY birthday!!!!! yippie…. and OUR 4th wedding anniversary….. hehehheee… 4 damn long years. with the same guy. gosh cant imagine i can be with the same guy and not get bored. funny eh? we are still arguing and getting mad at each other for not doing things but i am truly greatful tt he is not the very clean type coz i am the lazy type and he is the messy type. hahhaaa but i am very particular abt the cleanliness of the house. hopefully once when we finally managed to get our own house, hubby will be more responsible. ok back to 24th april, besides our 4th yr anny, i am turning 27….. sad, very very sad. i am getting old and soon i will be turning 30! urrgggghhh….. anyway hubby will be treating me and not forgetting our little baby boy, amaley to a beach holiday - KRABI!!!!! We are staying at krabi laplaya. heheheee… yippie thanks dearie. muaakkksssszzz…… anyway this is not my first time celebrating our anny n birthday overseas. we celebrated our 2nd anny at bali, and 3rd anny at phuket and now at krabi. great yeah? bali was the ebst coz the hard rock bali staff gave us a cake and a heart shape flower - rose petals on the bed with rose petals in the tub! it was so romantic. i am so looking forward for my long weekend and holiday! am now counting off the hours to go home…..

oh btw baby amaley can now sit up without support and have started eating porridge with fish, chicken and veges. he is not a choosy eater like em which is good. and he has a HUGE appetite…..

family. mom, dad, siblings. they are part of the immediate family members. no matter how often or ‘less’ often u saw them, they are ur family. how much do we treasure our family members? how well can we all get along with one another? coming fm a multi racial, separated family, i treasure mine. i appreciate my family. i love my family and i am talking abt my parents and my siblings. half blood or not. i really miss my sisters. especially ayu who will be getting married soon on 21 april.

we grew up together. ever since our parents divorced, i was always there for her thru thick n thin we shared laughter and tears among sweets and chocs… yup we do argue lots over minor things and i was jelous of her coz she is always the good girl and i am always the bad one. whenever we did something wrong, its always me. guess coz i am the elder sis so i shld be more wiser. hey, we are apart by few months! but i was there for her and she was there for me after each operation that i went for. she fed me and she nursed me. we are so close. we shared secrets and we share our crushes. i did something really bad to her. we were playing leading the blind game. to make sure she didnt play cheat on me, i lead her to an open drain while her eyes were shut and she fell rt into the drain. i was so sad and mad at my stupidity. i was 10 at that time. she bled and i cried. i apologised profusely. we played with fire and candles and dad wud find us and we wud get a beating fm him. we shared laughter at our stupid jokes. till da day that separate us… it was a result of another sister. but i dont blame her… she is still a baby sister anyway. i take it was our fate.

now, ayu will be getting married to fendi. i am very happy for her and i could wish nothing more than for her happiness and may she be in the best of health.  i love u ayu….. i always do.

another sister of mine, lela. we seldom meet and we seldom talk… it cud go for months but i always remember her. i always ask mom abt her. if she had called mom, if there was any news of her. she is my lil sis after all. she wud never know that i was worried abt her and how much i miss her coz i never got a chance to show it to her. we are not always very close anyway. i guess she have this tot that i hate her or i despise her or i was always against her. i don noe but i cud feel it. she wud be close at times but wud drift apart the next min. i don noe what shld i do to be close to her. maybe to her i am sucha a bitch. jt so tt u noe, i care abt u-alot. she too is getting married by the end of this year…. i am happy for her and i hope everything will go well.  no matter what happens, no matter wat i said in my heart, i am here if u need me. i am always here for my sisters. i love you,…. even if u dont.

my 3rd lil sis, isya. she is very different from the rest. she seems like she never wants to grow up. she is such a baby girl. so sweet and cute. she is very manja. she prefers to stay at home than go work but i guess now its diff. she is the lil sis who helps me when i am in desperate needs. she is always willing to lend me her bed and her room… was there when i delivered and took care of me and aqiel. helped me to wash baby clothes and loves my son a lot. she is such a doll. she is crazy at times - most of the time actually but i still love her…. i love u, no matter how crazy u are….

siti, the youngest sister in da family. she is bigger in size than me and ayu. i love her since the day she was born. she look so sweet and innocent with her big eyes. i was 14 when she was born. she was so adorable and she is the apple of dad and moms eyes. and coz of her, we get scolded. everytime she cries its always our fault. how irritating can it be? how unfair was it? i dont blame her, she was a baby after all. i wish siti will grow up and pass with flying colours coz she is the only one in the family with brains… hahah the rest are brainless… heheh kidding. she is clever and i am proud of her. i am sure u will be successful. jt study hard now and concentrate on ur studies k? no matter how bad i sound at times, jt know tt its me bitchin and tt’s coz i love u. i don want u to repeat the mistakes i made. i love u… since the day u were born….

last but not least, my lil bro… raishan. u are the sexiest brother any sister can ask for! hahhaaa.. such an atheletic. taller than i am! with that matured face of urs… tt makes head turns at the age of 11!! sec girls tot u were in sec sch already! hahhahaa…. u playboy, better concentrate on ur studies and sports and not on girls. they waste ur time and u will loose ur track…. hehehhe look whos talking. i hope u will succeed in the things tt u do best - sports. thanks for all the laughter u gave me. thanks for all the irritating things u did to me… telling me the ending of a movies when i jt started watching it - which u know it pisses me off and u will get a slapping or a scream fm me but i noe u enjoyed irritating me. u r super cute bro. love u lotss eventho we don share the same blood… u r my bro no matter what.

i feel much better now after letting all this out…. jt so my siblings noe, i love u guys lots no matter wat. no matter if u think tt i am weird, crazy, irritating, such a bitch anything even if u hate me… i will love each and everyone of u no less…..

april is the most dreaded month of the year for me. coz my birthday fall in april, and many of my family members too. my ex classmate named wayne shares the same birthday as me too. here’s the list of my family members who celebrates theirs in the month of april - Ami & Cik Ila (love u guys loads), my sis inlaw dad, her bro in law, a couple of friends and nieces and nephew, ex boyfriends and the list goes on i dont even dare to look at it…. april is the only month in the yr tt almost all the dates are filled up with bithdays. geez somany aries and tureans in the family.

I am totally not looking forward to birthdays tho i really enjoyed and waited in anticipation for the day when i was a littlegirl. I would expect my dad to buy me gifts and i would remind him in advance of my coming birthday. he would buy me gifts such as a watch, alarm clock and i can only recall that.. heheh but for sure dad bought me plenty of watches coz i would spoil the watch in less than a month. either the strap was out of placed or the face was damaged. i am a person who doesnt takes care my things tt good. i am careless and i tend to forget where i put it. so daddy will have to keep on buying me the same thing again n again every year…. hahaha

i remembered that i celebrated my 3rd birthday with a party and i noe at that time we are poor and dad earn such a small salary but somehow he managed to throw a huge party for me. the other party i had was when i was 12. it was at a time when i have crushes on boys. hahahaaa and i remembered this guy so called boyfriend bought me a impulse body spray and he wrapped it up with cheap papers - mind u we were in pri sch back then… hahahah funny. i also had some mini party at school. i also celebrated my sweet 16th birthday with my friends at pasir ris beach. it was so much fun i remembered i was wearing a black with white trims top fm alien workshop and a red tie dye pants and a red esprit bandana with my huge round JPG gold specs… and they talked abt ugly betty, i am ugly lyssa. hahahha and my friends threw me into the sea and when i walked up the beach they tot i was bleeding or menstruating coz it was all red but actually it was my pants… hahahah scare u guys! at that point of time i celebrated with my best friends, dikir & mldds friends and my new steady boyfriend. it was such a sweet bitter memory. funny that i am able to recall abt all this. after the 16th birthday i stopped throwing parties. i became paranoid when i reached my 20s and i dreaded each 24 april. i am growing older and am totally not looking forward to turning a year older no matter what u gave me as a gift.

i dont know if i am lucky or not coz i am always with a guys who celebrates his birthday in april. believe it or not, its true…. one guy birthday was on the 25th a day after mine and my hubby’s is on the 19th and our wedding anniversary in on my birthday itself. Fyi i even planned to have my baby born on april. i am obssessed with april. and the no. 24 i love even numbers and hates odd numbers. coz to me with even numbers we are able to share things equally and fairly coz there was always the 2 of us me n sis ayu. i hate it when i have sweets or chocs in odd no. coz it wud be so hard to share equally. up till now, even the volume on the car radio have to be even, the volume on my tv have to be even if its odd, i wud add up or decrease to make it even. i am mad! hahahahhaa….

so, now tt i am in my mid 20s, and married, we usually celebrates our birthday and anniversary by gng for a short trip overseas. phuket, bali and this year phuket again. we dint really celebrate the day formally its just wishing one another happy birthday n that abt it. we don really exchange gifts. hubby bought me a gold chain once and i cant really recall the others. me? i don recall buying him anything. he doesnt need anything except his running shoes. he always need a new pair of shoes. so this year i might buy him the new addidas shoe if tt’s wat he wasnt it. and i will for sure ask him something for return coz tt shoe cost quite a bomb.

and while the list goes on, i hate searching for gifts too. coz i am fickle minded. i wont be able to decide wat to buy and will spend the whole day or 2 searching for a suitable gift. i am not the type to just buy anything of the rack and give it. i will find something tt is really suitable for the receiver and will be appreciated. tt’s why hubby and even esah hates to go shopping with me. i kept on changing my mind. its tiring for me too and in the end i get frustrated. hahahhaaaa……

I am getting more paranoid now each time my phone rang and shows either dad or mummy’s name on the screen especially if its late at night. my heart would start pumping extra fast and i would pray its not bad news that i would receive. i still have 3 grandma and 1 grandpa. this is all because last yr ended with a death of a grandad and 2007 starts with the death of my dear cuzin sister Aidah bte Bujang who died at the age of 34 she was short of weeks to her 35th birthday. it came as a rude shock to me. i wasnt in singapore at that time and when i received the call at 1am, i can’t go back to sleep. i closed my eyes but suddenly i felt chills down my spine. each of us have this thinking tt we will die at a ripe old age, who dies at a young age anyway? rt? but reality check here, ppl do die at a young age. she passed away while shooping for her family for the sunday picnic and passed away with her beloved hubby and darling children. it is still painful and difficult for me to recall the day she was to be buried. i remembered i lost control of my voice when they placed her newborn baby md yusof by her body for a min. it was heartwrenching. a month later, hubby grandma passed away. tho i wasnt close to her i still felt the lost. i hope Allah will bless my grandparents, parents, parents in law, family & friends with good health and protect them always. Insya Allah.

all of us cant escape fm death and its how we prepared ourselves for the final moment in a person’s life-another life i mean. i am not perfect and never will. as human, we never fails to make mistakes and from repeating it.

i wont be able to imagine how i will take it if someone i love alot will leave me. but i also asked myself if i were to leave this place earlier, will i be missed? will ppl cry? will they still remember me? would i be able to leave an impact on others life? or will they be happy? ehehhehee i am not such a nice person afterall.

yest was my last night fm the 1st round of night. i am on permanent night now. i am doing it so i can spend more time with baby. he is growing each day and am learning new things rt now such as turning and sitting up and he likes to sucks and lick on everything and anything be it edible or not. everything that his hands could get hold of, he will put it into his mouth. and i would scream and told him he could not do it coz it’s dirty and he might hv a tummyache but bein baby, he jt won listen. it’s really amazing to watch a child progresses as they grows older. i am really loving it….. p/s nunu amaley, mummy loves u lotsz

today baby ieqmal turns 4 mths old…. so proud of him. he is learning fast. now he is able to bend his knees while standing and keeps on doin the ketuk ketampi…. hehehee i told him its his punishment for crying and he must do it 100 times. my maid told me baby wud do the exercise every morning for at least 20mons with interval of course. and he is now able to support his back up straight. but he hates it wen i put him on his tummy he jt refused to learn to turn. he wud cry and cry and want us to carry him up. *shakes head.

hmmmm i tot i could at least try not to take any mc for the year tho i know it seems impossible but i wanna at least to try to be sick free… but on tuesday i was down with the cramps - dysmenorrhea and been having pain on my neck and the rt side of my head. tues i was on pm shift but wen i woke up at 10am, the cramp was so bad that i decided to see the dr. dr fong told me to see my gynae for follow up on my medical condn and he told me i had cervical lymphdenitis…. huh? wats that? all i know is that my lymp nodes is swollen and its only on my rt side. my bp was also low and he said i looked very pale and asked me to do a blood test to check for my hb level which i ignored. he gave me 2 days mc and told me to crib. i was prescribed with antibiotics and painkillers….. i couldnt even carry baby  or played with him i jt don have the energy. nut thank god i am much better today and am ready for work tomorrow.

p/s baby ieqmal, pls pls learn to turn….

it was never a point in my life to make any new year resolutions as i would never make myself achieve it. but last year w/o any resolutions, i made not only my past resolutions but my dream and wish come true…. on 20/1/06 i discovered that i am pregnant. it was the most joyous time of my entire life. something that seems impossible is finally made possible. and i thank Allah for that.

this year it seems i have 2. to have our own house for our little family. it’s a must. been 4 damn long years. can’t wait any longer coz its now me, hubby, baby ieqmal n my maid. not enuf space for us. and i need some space n privacy n i am entitled to it anyway.

2ndly it wud be nice to have another baby… hahahahha tho my mom says to wait for another year or 2. they pitied baby ieqmal. but our biological clock is ticking. don wanna be too old for our kids. anyway i wud really love to have a baby girl… heheheheh so that i cud dress her up with nice clothes and buy her toys tt i cud relate to… its not tt i cant relate to baby aqiel its jt that i need to read more on boys books… not playboy mind u.. hahahah its like cars, dinosaur and fiction books. however i am enjoying every bit of my time with him. love him to bits…..

baby aqiel aka ieqmal is not in talking terms with me and i mean his baby talk…. he is not looking at me or smile at me. i felt so sad… its all because i told him not to be so greedy. and tt if he eats, he will grow fat and be made fun off… and we laugh at him so i guez tt’s y he is upset with me for making fun of him. it all started when yati carried him and make him sat on the dining table. he stared at our bowl of hot hong kong mee. his eyes were fixed on the noodle. i told him, ieqmal, asyik tgk org makan ajer.. nak makan gak ke? nanti gemuk cam ner? then he started to sulk and fm then he is on a silent strike towards his mummy…

i talked to him, read him his books and made funny faces but not even one smile i get as a return. infact little ieqmal turned his face away fm me… it breaks my heart. but i know he doesn mean it. i reached home today at 0830 as useal after my night duty and found him already showered and covered with power. he looks adorable. as there was no breakfast and my maid really cant cook anything edible, i decided to cook the hong kong mee and by 1030 i have showered and eaten and gng to bed. but i stayed till 1100 hoping baby ieqmal will fall asleep after his feeds so tt i cud sleep with him. by 1130 he finally slept and i was already very tired but it was worth the wait coz i get to cuddle ieqmal as we fall deep into our dreamzzzz…..

btw my congrats to my buddy norizan aka gjan on the arrival of her baby haziq on 11/01/07 nice number huh. all the best gal and may this little bundle of joy adds lots of love, happiness, warmth and everything good in ur lives. my best wishes to u n hubby….

luv,

lys

the past few days been such a trying time for me. on friday i was trying to upload songs into my fon when suddenly everything went missing from our external hd. i was so damn pissed off and i cried… not so much for the songs which can be dl again its the precious pics.. thousands of them… i enjoy taking pictures and i wud save them in my pc. ever in one holiday tt’s to US we took over 1000 pics. coz we went to LA, disneyland, universal studios and the beaches…. and now my lovely baby pics - all wiped out. everything… i felt very sad coz those are precious memories for me. and i don have a back up for all of the pics. i scolded hubby for deleting the files fm our internal hd. when i suddenly remembered that he could restore the files at a later date… and tadaaa… its back. pheeewwww.. luckily those precious pixs of lil baby is saved.

On satuday, which is my sleeping day i decided to spend some time with my baby coz i felt that he feels neglected and bored at home facing the walls and only his bibik to care him while his parents are at work. both of us working on night. so i took him to the playground for a short time. then i decided to bring him over to my cousin wedding when it proved to be a very bad decision…… my baby terkena ‘teguran’ orng. at first i realised there was extremely alot of bugs on my table. black beetle like thing and wen i looked up, i saw lots of them on the curtain but not at other ppl tables. a few hours later around 8+pm, aqiel started wailing he cried so hard tt it makes me scared and he cried for 1 1/2 hours straight. i decided to leave after he had cried for 30mins wen my aunt (mak pengantin) told us to go upstairs tt’s wen he started to cry even louder and his face turned red and he was looking up at the ceiling and moving his eyes left and rt.. it was scary. my dad and uncles did wat they culd. they say the prayers and read the yasin and verses fm quran but nothin helped my baby. we decided to go to the dr tho i know in my heart medically he is ok.

wen we took the stairs, aqiel stopped crying and wen we reached the wedding area, he cried again. by this time everyone there was curios and they suspected something is wrong coz aqiel been crying for almost an hour now. a lady (ustazah) who is gd at handling such ‘things’ tried to help but nothing works. even the dr told me medically he is healthy. he gave me a letter to go to hosp. diagnosis? crying for inx. hahah… i cried when i saw him suffering so much. he looked really scared. i could see the terror in his eyes. but i was helpless… there is nothing i cud do for my son. luckily my dad nad step mom and aunts are with me. coz i pass aqiel to mom to handle as i started to tremble and felt faint. by 12mn, after my aunt read the yasin, he cooled down and slept soundly. i slept beside him and hug him tight….

on sunday morning, amaley woke up with a bright smile. he was smiling and laughing like his usual self. i felt relived. i am sure things are back to normal. we went home and hubby was sleeping as he had jt returned fm night shift. i pestered him to bring us out for the weekend. to spend some time with amaley. at first he doesnt want to go to the wedding then he agreed to go jt with me. but in the end he says we culd all go. i warned him if amaley started crying don put the blame on me. i asked my dad for his opinion and my dad and aunt told me its ok to go… but its a wrong move….. we reached the place at 4+. i told hubby to hold amaley with him. he did. amaley was extremely quiet and was sulking. he didnt smile. not even to mama dida. whom he liked to be cuddled with. he refused others to carry him even my dad. so hubby and me took turns. all my uncles and aunts asked abt his condition & i told them he is alright now. after the wedding, we decided to follow dad to go to mama along house. at first aqiel was fine he was smiling but as the azan maghrib is nearing, he became uneasy and started crying. his cries get louder and harder. i looked at my watch and i realised its the same time as yest. we bring him to mama’s bedroom and tried to pacify him. dad tried to help by resding the holy verses. but nothing helped. in the end we decided to go back to my bro place and will call my uncles who knows abt this stuffs to help. but they too cant do anything, the ‘thing’ kept on pestering my baby. it wud go then come back. so we decided to call my uncle’s ustaz.

it got really scary here. when he was told to come, he knows what is disturbing my son. he told my dad to read Al fatihah and blow at his rt ear and Surah An Nas and blow and repeat it. baby cooled down and he falls asleep. soon the ustaz arrived at 11+ and the first thign he said was, hmmm bau wangi eh… macam bunga cempaka/yasmin. our hair stands. wen aqiel wakes up, he immediately cried again. and we brought him outside to the hall area. the ustaz asked for his name and the spelling in arab. he mentioned something abt his name. his wife the ustazah took amaley fm me and asked him whats wrong baby? who is dirtubing you? and she turned him and massage his spine. it became red and swollen and amaley cried harder and was struggling. then she massages the shoulder blade and continues. she said ‘angin’ and its painful for him. she even showed me tt baby cant turn to his sides coz tt things is there. by now amaley was still stuggling and crying but i din cry coz i know he is is safe hands. my mom too came to my bro house in the wee hours. everyone was extremely worried for their one and only grandson. they said prayers and did their best and told me not to worry he will be fine. the ustazah gave me salt to rinse him after every bath and reminded me to say prayers for him wen bedtime.

ustaz told hubby he will ‘buy’ my son which he cost 10 cents.. so sad heheheh its like wat my grandma did to my cuzzin ariana too. she bought her in the hope tt she will be safe and sound. same for amaley and he changed baby name to Ieqmal. coincidently its a combination of his own name Aqiel Amaley.  so we called him by tt name at times. i was told Ieqmal terkena benda tu at the wedding itself but we din wat to blame anyone for the incident. the ustazah also told me tt ieqmal can see extra things. ‘mata dia tajam eh. boleh nampak benda ‘extra’ ‘ she spelled Allah and Mohamad on both his eyes and forehead. the ustaz also told hubby his forehead - ada lekuk kecil macam (something) which is gd. don need to say it here nanti org ingat i am exagerating. but tt’s wat he told hubby and it makes me happy. he told hubby to jaga budak nie baik2 ada potensi… Alhamdullilah… I sya Allah…. act i realised tt since his birth its like the mark on ppl forehead tt is pious and prays alot. i hope Aqiel aka Ieqmal, akan menjadi anak yg soleh, taat pada ibu bapa, keluarga dan agama…. Insya Allah……

Baby, Mummy loves you alot tt words cant describe i am willing to trade place with you. To suffer for you…. Love you my son……..

Love,

your mommy

On my first day in the ward i was in a complete lost. Ppl was saying their ‘welcome back!!!’, you look pretty, look different, put on weight,…wait, i like that one. heheheh and so far all the good things. till….. "hey, you managed to lost weight so fast?"..eerrrmmmm btw since when did i put on weight? ppl will always be ppl. when i was pregnant they complained that i look thin, can’t see your tummy lisa, your baby not big.. bla bla bla….. and some even showed off their huge tummy to me.. yeah bare it out. all that makes me sad and worried non stop abt my baby n my weight. everytime i go see my obs i would ask the wt of my son. but now, when i am back they says i managed to lost wt…. whateva. (L)

I have since managed to recall my routines and am coping well. tomorrow is the department party!!!! yippie. i hope whoeva get my pressie will like it. spend alot of time searching for 1. finally settled down for bodyshop. its really good. i love it. hubby was making alot of noise saying that why must i spend so much (over the budget) and why so choosey. well, i am the type who will look for a gift as if its meant for me. something that ppl will like and appreciate. a real gift not jt some chocolates (i mean cheapo ones). its nice if the person likes the gift it meant alot to me. and even when buying hari raya cards or birthday cards i will find the card that will suit that person the best. not jt any cards on the shelves. that’s me. so tt’s y hubby hates to go shopping with me. tt’s another matter. i am very very very soooooo fickle minded. will never be able to decide by myself always need another ppl opinion when buying things for myself. which is nicer? black or white or wait… the red one. yup red is in. wanted to buy a red shoe for myself and told hubby… his response? PROSTITUTE wears red…. wtfish… hummmpppph! hubby hubby..*shakes head. i even forced him to accompany me to guess store at vivo city and after trying out some bags, i decided not to buy any…. hahahah waste of time.

anyway, while i was away at work, i miss aqiel alot alot alot…. really miss him… when i reached home feeling tired his face and smile will make everything go away. i am really grateful to Allah for this gift. its a real miracle. something tt’s impossible, a wish tt i hv been making every year, finally came true…. no regrets. i will ask aqiel "baby kiss mouth" everyday. jt because i want to be the only woman in his life tt have kissed him the most. no other woman… hahahaaa and every night i will whisper in his ears, "baby i love you…" and kiss his chubby cheeks. his the man in my life!

p/s aqiel mummy loves you no matter what…. forever n ever.

i closed my teary eyes last night and force myself to sleep at 3am. told myself tt will be able to forget abt what happened and i will fell much better by the morning. but as i woke up to my swollen eyes, i still cried. no matter what i did, the words still clings and as if there is a devil somewhere which i beliee there is, coz he is repeating the exact words over and over again. and again my eyes welled up…

oh gosh, am startign work on thurs… yippie. actualy i am looking fwd to it. been such a long time. been recalling my duties mentally when i go.. oh no ecg! which is which??? hmmmm i need to sort that one out. but a part of me felt sad. sad to go to work and leave my baby behind. never left him for such a long period of time. 9-10hrs. i will surely miss bathing him and talking to him. being able to hear his cries and laughter. coz i assume by the time i am home he will be fast asleep but, if i am on am shift yeah i will still get to play with him… how nice. he is such a doll. yest an indian lady approached my maid and ask her is she taking care of a chinese baby??? heheheh my son looks chinese… well my grand dad is fm a chinese parentage so tt explains why.

i hope God will put my mind at ease and clears my head. hubby told me not to cry anymore and he will try to find a solution asap. told him i cant stand seeing those ppl anymore and something have to be done or else…..